Do you have that feeling and the still small voice telling you that you are not doing enough and that you are not good enough?
Well, that was me for the past few weeks. I didn’t know if I should share with you all, but it has been weighing down on my heart to share with you.
In July, I finished my Master’s degree in Higher Education Administration, yeah! Which also means I’m back in student loan repayment for my undergraduate degree and then in six months my graduate degree. I automatically thought I have to find part-time online work. Due to my husband’s work, I can’t work locally due to childcare costs. I also contacted my school’s career office to help me find work. This call was the worst 45 minutes ever!
-Evidently, I am limiting myself and that if I were to work full-time remotely I would need to meet certain expectations. (I told him that’s why I am looking for part-time).
Gosh, I felt like crap after I got off the phone! And then all these thoughts came into my head “Maybe I am not doing enough”, “What if”, and “How can I”.
After speaking with a dear friend of mine, she is like an adopted Grandma for my kids and mom for me she told me “You need to stop listening to the man and start listening to the Lord, take 15 minutes after everyone has gone to bed and pray”.
I did just that and then the following day I spoke with my husband. The moment I said aloud that “I can’t work right now” and told him how I felt for the past couple weeks I felt like a rock was lifted off my back and chest. He told me “I didn’t expect you to work right now, you are doing enough now”. My husband and God knew that I am enough, but I didn’t! I asked him about my loans and he said everything will be fine.
I called back the career office and let them know how I felt after speaking with someone when I was asking for help and they apologized.
This time being home with my girls and homeschooling them is short. A job is always available but the time with your family is not. A career will always be there and you can get it anytime but the time with my family will not always be here. In the end, this life is not about me – it’s about fulfilling the purpose God has for me. I need to stop picking up and carrying the chains of comparison, worry, and pride, instead, I need to give them straight to my heavenly Father and not for me to carry.
I AM ENOUGH AND I AM LOVED!