Church, Motherhood, and Loneliness
I have been thinking about writing this post for a while now…Church, Motherhood, and Loneliness
*Update as of November 2017 I have a new church home
I finally have found a great church since we moved up to Massachusetts. Finding a church is like dating all over again. You do not know what a church can be like until maybe after the first visit, a couple of visits, three months in, or even six months in. Well, I am happy that I have found a church where I have honestly been growing in my relationship with Christ. I am so happy to say that out loud! I am seeing that the New Testament is written about in the Old Testament and the New Testament discusses the Old Testament. I have been reading my Bible more than what I have done before and I am admitting that out loud!
The minister at our church met Victor and told him that he understands why he works so much in order to take care of his family. That was so encouraging to hear!
All of this being said, I am still lonely…Motherhood can be lonely…
No one ever tells you after becoming a mom that you won’t be able to make it to church every Sunday. I didn’t get to church all the time before being a mom since I was a chef and I had to work. Yes, chefs have to work on Sundays, just like every other industry including travel and medical.
No one tells you about how often your kids can get sick especially with the change in weather (right now it is 40°F and in a few days it will be 92°F!) and that you will stay home with them because you don’t want other kids to get sick.
In my current season of life, I am not only a mom to two little girls but also a student again. I am working on my Master’s degree in Higher Education Administration (I graduate in May 2018). Coming from a culinary background my classes can be intense and life’s interruptions can make it hard. So if I do have school work to complete or just completely drained I honestly can’t make it to church. I am thankful that my church uses Facebook live so I can still watch from home.
I am thankful that I am serving on the leadership team at my MOPs group (Mothers of Preschoolers). MOPs has honestly been my lifesaver since we moved up to Massachusetts. In case you don’t know about MOPs click here. I drop off my girls to their age appropriate rooms and fellowship with other moms. No, the moms are not all Christians as it is not a Bible study but an outreach program for the host church to the community. This time is precious as we all get to talk and learn from each other.
The enemy of the church is not always the outside world but its own people.
Why do I say this? The church is a body of believers that should be encouraging one another not putting each other down or gossiping behind each other’s backs. I picked up my daughter from Sunday school, she was crying. My social butterfly was crying. She told me what was going on and a mom asked what was wrong so I told them. One mom said right to me “Well, you aren’t here every Sunday, so she doesn’t know the other kids”. Really that is the encouragement I get? What should have occurred was “Hey, I hope she feels better. Do you need anything?”.
I can honestly say that the gossips are the very people that can destroy a church because this happened in my church where my dad was a minister at. So for me, when I see things like this occur in churches it makes me angry one to see it (seriously, are we back in high school) and two because I remember the pain that we went through as a family.
Most of the time the outside world wants nothing to do with the church because it is viewed as a group of hypocrites. Similar to the religious leaders in Jesus’s time. I do not see this image going away anytime soon especially when politics want to be discussed. All politics aside, really push it away-I want to be viewed as a person who has been changed because of Christ working in me. I have been saved by His Grace and He has forgotten my sins. I need to let Christ continue working on me so I can be more like him. But that is the tricky part for anyone of us, isn’t it? We want to control ourselves instead of letting God do it especially when things get difficult…saying hey wait, God, what are you doing here this is uncomfortable.
There is also a difference between church people and Christians.
*Update as of November 2017 I have a new church home
I’m sorry to hear about these negative things that have been said by people in the church. You are right; everybody who goes to church or even joins the church is not necessarily a true Christian.
My youngest children have finally entered their teen years, but I still remember the years in a new church feeling lonely and disconnected. I didn’t like it at the time, and I had my little bouts with grumbling about it, but looking back, I see that the Lord used it to bring me much closer to Himself. He was always there for me, He revealed Himself to me in more ways than one, He drew me close and was everything for me that church people and busy Christians were not able to be. One day, about 3 years into our experience, I was walking at the YMCA, and I saw a banner that said, “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” Immediately I felt God’s Spirit changing the wording in my spirit to, “Be the change that you want to see in the church.” So, I have made much effort to obey.
Also, just yesterday the Lord took me to a blog post that spoke to me on the subject of my being upset by insensitive things that people say: http://donnareidland.com/the-sins-of-others-our-good-may-26/ and today He led me to 2 Corinthians 12:10 ” I am well content with weaknesses, with insults…with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” This also spoke to me that I am able to be content with insults, no matter who speaks them, because in my weakness, Christ is my strength.
God bless you, dear sister, with the constant awareness of His Presence and of His love for you and give you the wisdom and strength that you need to navigate all that is happening in your life right now. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I hope that this will speak comfort and peace to you as well.
It’s hard, but for me, getting to know the Lord in a more intimate way because of the lack in others ends up being worth it in the end.
Hi Ruth,
Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me so much encouragement and prayer! You are so right during this season and time of my life I have been drawing closer to God something I honestly never really done before. With doing this, I am not only feeling better but also being an example to my girls.